Pig Wrestling

The first thing you should learn to laugh at in clowning is yourself.  Some of us take just about any bait and try to defend the world of clowning with an attitude that seems to suggest that clowns are saintly and above criticism or satire or ridicule. A while back, the movie Shakes The Clown stirred the self-righteous juices of many of us. These days there is a TV ad depicting a party clown who doesn�t seem to care anymore.  The clown suggests that the kids at a birthday party join him in a nap.  To be honest, that line absolutely cracked me up!  I added it to my act!

There is a wise old saying, �Never wrestle with a pig. You just get tired and dirty and the pig enjoys it.�

My best advice is to relax and laugh a little.  Let he who is without sin cast the first stone. Ever told a lawyer joke?  How about a �going postal� joke? How about a minister joke?  A doctor joke?  A blonde joke?   A Polish joke, or West Virginia, or Chinese waiter or auto salesman or farmer or�whatever? Ever laugh at one of these jokes? Take a few breaths, relax and laugh a little.

If others don�t get or appreciate what we do, or even intend harm to our profession, move on.  There are enough clown lovers out there to take care of and entertain. When you run across pigs just itching for a good roll in the mud, simply deny them the pleasure of your company in a tussle designed only to prolong conflict and invigorate the pig.

Speaking of pigs looking for a tussle, they are easy to find on Internet message boards. I hate to tell you but occasionally it gets pretty wild out there! You never know when a mud fight will break out.  Incivility reigns.  This happens for a number of reasons.  First and foremost, there actually are people out there who just love to mud wrestle.  They will say anything to provoke a sharp emotional response.  They often defend themselves by saying its good to �stir things up a little.�  To me, that line itself is a dead give away that the provoker is more motivated by boredom than by an honest desire to share information about clowning.  It is more an invitation to argument then it is an invitation to discussion.  Anger is sport to them.  They count on people being intolerant of diversity, and unfortunately they can easily find a lot of it. Another way to spot a pig looking for a good roll in the mud is when they actually invite people to �flame away.�  In Internet lingo, flaming someone means to direct venomous anger toward him or her.

An unfortunate thing is that good, well-meaning people allow themselves to be emotionally used by provokers instead of sensibly ignoring them. Most provokers are clown haters and others who have curious personal agendas.  Don�t ever get into a discussion with anybody who throws out the old fact that mass murderer John Gacy dressed as a clown.  Evil dresses in every conceivable costume, and anybody who doesn�t know that already isn�t going to tolerate being educated by you or anybody else.  The best thing to do is to ignore them and deprive them of what they want.  Simply refuse to wrestle with the pig.

I think we also have a societal problem with basic interpersonal communication. I see angry arguments erupt quite often between people who do not fall into the pig category.  I think that the two things that cause these uncivil eruptions are a lack of writing ability on one side, and hair trigger responses on the other side.

Over these many years as a columnist for the different magazines I have received many hot-tempered letters from people.  Some have serious disagreement with something I have written.  Often though, they are from people who have misread a column, even accusing me of taking the exact positions I was arguing against! The point is that I take a lot of time going over every word of my columns for clarity, and I still can�t avoid misinterpretation.

Today�s technology makes matters worse.  People can write and immediately send messages written hastily and with a head of steam.  In the old days it took time and cost money to send a response.  The time lag often let people calm down and think more clearly. It�s very hard to type long thoughtful responses, so instead I see a lot of short, terse attacks.  Writers don�t have to face their readers person-to-person and this anonymity seems to breed a sense of verbal bravado that comes across as mean spiritedness, which leads to more nastiness.  I�m sure that face-to-face we would be mannerly and nice. 

Some people aren�t as computer savvy as others and make the etiquette mistake of writing in capital letters, which is perceived as yelling at others.  Try to take a more kindly attitude toward this.  I have a friend who always types in capital letters because he has a hard time reading regular print and he�s not quite computer literate enough to change the size of the typeface.  One of my guiding philosophies is never to attribute to malice what can adequately be explained by stupidity.  This keeps me from taking unnecessary offense (and even helps me avoid taking offense when offense was actually intended.)

We also need to be more accepting of all the different types and kinds of clowning. You can learn a lot more by listening or, in this case reading what others have to say than by dominating conversation, or constantly feeling you have to defend or justify yourself and the choices you have made in your clowning.

Finally, if you find yourself dealing with the television or radio media, don�t automatically assume they have your best interests in mind. They have their own interests in mind and that may be to have fun at your expense.  Face it, we are easy targets. For example, in almost every radio market area there are morning �wacky� shows that usually have crank calls as part of their regular comedy fare.  These folks are professionals at sucking you in and making you sound like a fool. You really should listen to all your local radio stations to see what they do and get an insight as to what you might do when you get a really crazy caller on the phone looking for something like a clown for a funeral.  Yes I know there are clown funerals, but not usually for a non-clown decedent. 

If you suspect you are on the receiving end of one of these crank calls don�t get angry.  Handle it with good humor and remember you are getting great local publicity worth lots of money!  You�ll be shocked at how many people tell you that they heard you on the radio.

Here is a way to test out if it is a radio show crank call. Make up a reason for having to put them on hold for a second or ask for a return number because something that came up and you�ll have to call them back in 5 minutes.  Time to waste is the one thing they do not have. If it is a crank call, it gets crazy real fast, like an over-caffeinated telemarketer desperate to keep you on the phone.  Once you are sure who it is, it is time to show them you are a real clown and start having fun with them.

As for television, be sure you know and trust the people you are dealing with.  Any television pieces you do will be greatly edited and the final story may not be close to what you thought it was going to be.  For example, Bob and Teresa Gretton spent over 5 hours with a national show television reporter and crew working on a  story about �clown phobias.�  Bob and Teresa had never heard of �The Daily Show� on Comedy Central (one of my favorite shows). I�ve seen this show rip through clowning before. Fortunately for us, this time they picked on two strong clowns with confident established characters.  I saw the piece three times and through it all Bob and Teresa came off as absolute professionals and not the geeks-in-greasepaint I know the show was hoping for.

Its great to be a fool!  It doesn�t make much sense to take offense when someone points out that you are a fool.  Relax. Laugh.  Laugh a lot.  And when you are finished laughing, go ahead and laugh some more.  Just don�t wrestle any pigs.